I bought baby lots of diapers this weekend. Cute diapers. Aww.

I am 11w2d and feeling great! My next OB appt is Dec 7 at 12w3d. I get an ultrasound :)

Thad is painting the nursery. The color is "Bright Star" and it is the happiest, sunniest color ever. I love it.

We bought a dresser this morning. We will add a changing pad to the top, so it will have a dual purpose. It's got 6 drawers and will hold everything we want.

We also bought some shelves to hang above the dresser/changing table that will have all of our cute Eric Carle animals and books on it. Eric Carle is our theme. I'm loving it.

The ribbon curtains are going to look amazing with this color.


( The Ribbon Curtain )

I am 9 weeks and baby is looking great, but they found a subchorionic hemorrhage yesterday. They gave me the talk that it could go either way and I asked about my aspirin. I am on baby aspirin for a miscarriage at 8.5 weeks. I genuinely think it is helping, because I always had a problem with circulation and now that I'm on it, I feel so much better. But with the SCH I don't know if it will exacerbate the bleeding! I asked the on call OB and she suggested to discontinue, though said she wasn't sure and had to ask around. She said she doesn't think I should still be on it! But I am really scared to go off it. I skipped my first pill last night since July, and it just doesn't feel like I should have done it... I mean, don't I WANT the SCH to bleed so that it goes away and doesn't just sit there? Wasn't the aspirin supposed to prevent me from getting one in the first place?

So the question is- if you were on baby aspirin and they diagnosed a SCH, what did the OB tell you to do and what was the outcome?

Apparently I haven't updated in a while.  Life is crazy.

This pregnancy is alternately incredibly stressful and so easy that I kind of forget sometimes.  I've been to the OB 5 times already (and I'm only 7w3d), the first three times to confirm, the last two times in a panic.  We've had two ultrasounds, which show a beautiful baby with a strong heartbeat that is growing right on schedule.  Last we checked (at 7w0d) it was measuring 7w2d with 140bpm.  That was up from 6w3d and 122bpm just 4 days prior.  I have not had any bleeding/spotting in the last week, though on Halloween I had the scare of a lifetime when I had bright red bleeding.  Before I have had lots of brown and some pink.  I've already gotten my Rhogam shot thanks to all the spotting.  I've already had all my bloodwork run, I am just waiting to hear the results.  Hopefully I will hear on Monday at my new OB appointment.  I will be with a nurse practitioner (the same one that gave me awful news in the worst possible manner last time), and hope that she knows what she's talking about this time.  I also hope I finally graduate to my gift bag of free samples...  I always see the newly pregnant couples carrying them out of the office and it makes me incredibly jealous.  I didn't get that far last time, so it has become a big status symbol for me.  I don't care if it is full of crap, I want someone to see ME carrying it and think "Wow, she's going to be a new mom."

So aside from that, though, this pregnancy has been very uneventful and nothing like the last.  Last time I felt pregnant 24/7.  I was constantly nauseous, thinking about baby nonstop, and just kind of one track.  This time I am working and busy as can be.  I have had almost no nausea (though the occasional severe nausea accompanies big meals or red meat) and the fatigue has faded.  Basically, I feel no different, which is very strange to me.  I suppose it is a good thing, but when I notice it it is a bit unnerving.  I am even on extra Progesterone, so I expected everything to be more severe this time, but nope!  Though, if I don't fall asleep shortly after taking the pill, the room starts spinning and I am so nauseous I can hardly breathe.  I usually take it when I can't keep my eyes open a second longer and I know I will be falling asleep soon.

I've told a few people- our parents and siblings, the godmother (she was chosen last time just days before we lost the baby), and my friends at work.  I am now one of three pregnant ladies at school, which is kind of fun.  One is due Feb, then May, then me in June.  I like to swap stories with the teacher due in May, because she is just about 6 weeks ahead of me.  She's starting to show finally, so I can't wait for that to be me.  At times, though, I look bigger than her because the bloat is just absurd.  I am having a hard time fitting into my skirts and pants now, and wonder if I won't be checking out the maternity section soon for some stretchy bottoms.  The other day I wore a shirt that used to be reasonably loose, but it was stretched tight over my belly and my good friends said "Ohhh baby belly!"  I wish!  More like food baby belly!  haha  Soon, though.

After the events of this summer I am having a really hard time acknowledging that in June I will have a baby in my arms.  I still seem to equate pregnancy with the gut-wrenching ending I had last time.  Last time I layed in bed and daydreamed about what my baby would be like and everything that would happen, but I just can't do it anymore.  I don't know why.  I did have my first baby dream again, though.  I dreamt about the same curly blonde girl I dreamt about last time.  I started dreaming about her when I got pregnant and I haven't seen her in my dreams once since I lost the other baby.  It was shocking to see her again in my dreams.  I love that baby.  

Anyway, there it is.  3 more days and I will be at another appointment hopefully getting even MORE good news.  I don't think I want that to end anytime soon.

I leave you with a picture of the baby at 7w:
( The little one )

Last beta results back: 

hcg: 4330
progesterone: 9.6

The progesterone is stressing me out, but they said not to worry about it.  I am still seriously contemplating popping an extra prometrium in the mornings...  My numbers should be going up, not dropping (from 16.9)!!

Next Friday, Oct 30 is my first ultrasound, then Monday, Nov 9 is my first official OB appt with another ultrasound!  Wahoo!

The pregnancy-induced idiocy is back, this time starting at a shocking 5w3d.  And now that I am taking baby aspirin everyday, I bruise like a peach, which will make this idiocy more noticeable to the people around me.

Oh, and my car is going to SMELL after today, but boy was I HUNGRY.

The doc confirmed on Thursday!!  I am pregnant!!  I am due June 18, 2010, which is a nice even number.  That is exactly two weeks after the last day of school.  My numbers were low on Thursday because I had just gotten a positive on a home test, so I am going back Monday to have my levels drawn again.  Also, because of my previous MC they prescribed Prometrium...  So yet another pill to add to my coctail of daily vitamins and pills.  Next week I need to confirm if I should continue with my baby aspirin therapy, but my guess is yes.  I also need to find out if it is okay to continue taking my extra vitamin C, because I am working in an elementary school and 4 kids in my class have already had H1N1 and its just being passed around.  I have not had the flu shots yet, and now I am afraid of doing them in my first trimester....  

Anyway, the baby's room is no longer storage, so I am looking forward to a time when I can start decorating it and making it beautiful.  I have a really good feeling that everything will be okay this time.  I am going to tell my parents today.  They didn't want me to wait this time like I did last time.

It's a 3 day weekend and I am happy and life is good.

I've been really bad about keeping up with this since my life turned crazy.

I thought you should all know that we are officially back on the TTC wagon, feeling good and ready, and rally excited.

Well, except right now, because I am in a TWW and only 9dpo and hoping for a BFP.  Mostly, I'm just stressed.

I haven't been online much since my loss in July, but life has now gotten crazier with school starting up.  I meet my kids and their parents on Friday, and first think Tuesday morning my room will be full!  It can't get any crazier than that.

My first post-MC period is over, and we had originally planned to start trying this cycle, which would make me due end of May (not too hot and right at the end of the school year, so I could spend the summer with my baby)...  Now we are thinking we may push it back some.  Nothing is set in stone.  I really want to try now, but I am also REALLY tired and overworked and since I now have a history of MC I don't want to stack anything else against me.  I don't know.  I've been taking my vitamins and aspirin just like the doc ordered (though i had to readjust my aspirin dosage to every other day because I was bruising like crazy), so that is already a point in my favor.  I've been on prenatals plus some since May, so there is a good build up in my body unlike last time when I started as soon as I ovulated and realized that it might actually happen.  

The good news?  My school is VERY VERY VERY pregnant friendly.  My principal (a male) announces over the intercom when a baby is born (yesterday) and was really excited to announce at our faculty meeting that a kindergarten teacher was pregnant.  So there you go.  That is reassuring.  Though it also kind of gives me a pit in my stomach because he was supposed to be announcing two pregnancies at the faculty meeting.  I started crying, but composed myself pretty well I think.

Anyway.  Stay tuned for updates.  I have a late ovulation anyway, so I've got another 2 weeks or so to figure it out.

Today is my birthday.  I wasn't supposed to have another one of these unless I had a baby in my belly or in my arms.  No one told the calendar.

I wish today was over already.

Everyone wants to celebrate but I want to do is cry.

At the ultrasound on Thursday the baby was measuring small at 6w4d and only 64 bmp heart rate.  It was supposed to be at 8w and over 120 bmp.  On Saturday I started spotting and went to the emergency room.  No heart beat on the ultrasound.  On Sunday I started cramping and passing tissue.  On Monday the ultrasound showed a complete natural miscarriage.  I am still cramping and bleeding on Tuesday.

It sounds so clinical and technical because I cannot think emotionally anymore.

I'll come back when I am ready to try again.

Today is the big day- my first ultrasound and prenatal visit.  I have been looking forward to this for a month...

I woke up all excited and happy, then opened the bedroom door and found a freaking shitstorm.  Literally.  The whole place smelled like poo and vomit.  My dog decided to diarrhea all over the place, then eat it and vomit.  I'm surprised I didn't vomit.  Most of the time I would be like "poor baby," but I am SO SICK OF IT.  She does this about once a month.  It's part of her regular freaking dog cycle.  Luckily we have wood floors.  The new place we are moving for baby has carpet.  She'd going to have to learn to be crate trained or be locked in the kitchen at night because I refuse to let my baby crawl around on shit floors.  I am so mad right now!!!  I am supposed to be excited- big day!  My whole morning is thrown completely off by disinfecting every freaking surface of the apartment and still trying to get ready to go to the docs in about 20 minutes.....  BRILLIANT.

*sigh*

Nausea.  All day, everyday.  Loss of appetite.  Heat waves in Texas.

I wish I could sleep until September.

I put down a deposit on a new place today- it is 200 sq ft bigger than this place and has a true 2nd bedroom.  Oh and it's $100 cheaper a month!  We move end of August.  I will be in my 16th week and school will have just started.  Basically it is an AWFUL time to move, but I knew it wold be an issue when we only renewed for 6 months in February...  Oh well, at least I won't be carrying anything or climbing up and down the stairs in the heat.  I will have a perfect excuse!

I'm going to really start planning the nursery now that I know the dimensions of the room.

I scheduled my first prenatal appointment this morning!  They won't see me before 8 weeks, so I scheduled it for exactly 8 weeks- July 2nd.  They told me to be sure to drink lots of water so I could have my first sonogram and they could send me home with the video!  

...

Just a second

...

Wow.  Morning sickness.  It comes on without warning doesn't it?

I'm going to step away from the computer in case I need to projectile vomit.

Isn't life grand?

Yes, I disappeared again.  I was in a crazy stressful situation with job hunting and threw off my ovulation, so I was late again.  Which lined me up perfectly within my fertile window.

Yesterday I peed on a stick.

It had two lines :)

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, but a lot happy!  Hubby started off lukewarm, but is getting excited.  I caught him looking through the baby books I bought him this morning.  We went to Babies R Us tonight and bought the baby a present.

This probably sounds really anticlimactic, but I've been posting on my blogger and wasn't sure if I was going to post on here yet, so I have said our names and it isn't all that anonymous anymore...  But I started a due date community, so I figure that pretty much gives it away anyway.  I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed that no real life friends find this until I am ready to tell them.

So there is my news: thrilling, and wonderful and terrifying all at once.  And a complete and utter shock.

I am 4 weeks exactly today (our three year anniversary) and I am due Feb 11, 2010.  Here's hoping for a Valentine's Baby!

I am 9dpo on a very frustrating and confusing 2ww.  I ovulated late, then yesterday stupid Fertility Friend decided to change my ovulation date to even LATER (which would put me at only 3dpo).  Unless my period comes and I am decidedly not pregnant I choose not to believe it.  I plan to test in a couple more days if my period doesn't come.  I am already at CD 29 and I've never had a cycle longer than 31 days, even after ovulating late.

Since yesterday I've started getting mega pregnancy symptoms.  If I'm not pregnant, then maaaan is there something wrong with my boobs.  And after school today I came home and ate like a PIG (I wanted biscuits, so I cooked up a can of them... and ate them ALL) and jumped in bed and fell asleep.  At 4pm.  I just woke up and feel like I could go another 12 hours.  I think I will once hubby gets home.  Basically if these are nothing more than new and improved PMS symptoms I might have to die a little.

Oh.  I ordered a funny little book off eBay as my surprise for Thad to announce I am pregnant (someday).  I want to have it on hand because I can't find it in stores, and plus I got it for $5 on eBay.  It is the SafeBaby Handling Kit.  I think he'll get a kick out of it.  He's never spent any time around kids- and NEVER with a baby or toddler of any age.  Actually, he spent about an hour in the same house as Annabelle when she was 12 months, but since he didn't really interact with her I don't count it.

I want to go back to bed!  Thad should be home in about 15 minutes and I am dying trying to stay awake for him.  Of course he will want to eat dinner and roam around the house and all I want to do is curl up in bed, but who cares.  At least I can say hi.

Tomorrow there is a mile dog walk for ASPCA at Zilker Park.  I really wanted to go- take Mona and Thad and pack a picnic and make a day of it at the park.  The weather has been great the last few weekends, but it is supposed to be miserable tomorrow.  I'm not sure I'm up for a mile-long dog walk in the rain and mud.

Now I'm just grasping for things to talk about...  Instead I'm just going to go.

If I had a nickel for every time my parents mentioned grandchildren today I would be rich.  From things like the new Disney DVD collection that my mom is building for the grandkids, to the slightly frightening bunny sculptures that "every grandma has to have," to even talking baby names!  It's crazy that they really seem to be getting ready.  They know that I am ready, so I think they are trying to make sure that they are ready too when I finally announce it. 

Plus I was a pickle-aholic today.  I hate pickles.  I am a self-professed hater of all things green.  But I single-handedly ate about a half a jar of pickles today.  I have no idea why.  I have a half a mind to run to the store right now and buy a jar.  So  of course my dad made jokes all day about crazy pregnancy cravings and did I want him to melt some chocolate and drizzle them over th pickles for me.  I had a flash forward to my parents joking me about real cravings and it was all happy. 

My stressful family encounters regarding baby stuff has all turned pretty good.  I am much more level-headed these days, so it's nice not to worry about bursting into tears for no apparent reason.  Especially because.... there is a chance I could be pregnant.  There you have it.  I'm not going to get hopeful or freak out about it just yet because I can't test for another week, but we accidentally timed sex kind of perfectly.  Wasn't I just saying "I can't do it accidentally??" well apparently high stress lets you forget about things like ovulation.  Plus I stressed my body into ovulating late and here we are.

I've decided that either it was meant to be this month or not.  It could be equally good or bad, so I'm not even going to worry about it.  I must be pretty level-headed to even be able to think about it like that.  And to not blow the whole pickle situation way out of control!  It's way to early for cravings, but if I was all emotional right now I would totally be thinking "OMG OMG I bet I am!!  Let me pee on a stick!"

My joints are killing me.  Blegh.

Thad and I are spending the day with his family tomorrow...  I should get some rest!

I found this on a friend's blog and clicked it out of curiosity.  I laughed so hard I cried.

.........

Congratulations, April! You're "with child". Our remote testing system has detected that you're pregnant. The Miracle Of Life has begun!

April, you're going to be the proud parent of a baby girl, and just look- isn't she just so damn cute! Based on our remote test results, your beautiful baby girl will weigh about 14 lbs, 13 oz and have blonde hair and gray eyes. Truly a Wonder To Behold!

...........

Oh and Arnold Schwarzenegger is the daddy.  Okay, now while I would be thrilled to be pregnant with a baby girl, who asked for GIGANTOR?  Seriously a 15lb baby?  Thanks but no thanks.  I'd like my uterus to survive the pregnancy :)  So there you go.  I wouldn't put too much stock in the crazy radar pregnancy detector either, because you know... I'm not really pregnant.  And definitely not with Arnold Schwarzenegger's giant spawn.